I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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