Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
