Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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