some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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