$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
