shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
