you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
