I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
