I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
