Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
