Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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