OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
