plz talk dirty to me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
