I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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