I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
