I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
