I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
