found the other keg... it's in the tree
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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