My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
