ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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