Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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