And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is Oprah even human
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
