He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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