oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
