im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
