I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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