I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
