Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
