you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
