I don't think brook has ever known best
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
