i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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