I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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