The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
