Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
