i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
