Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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