I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
