my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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