No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
