where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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