Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My life is pants optional.
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