It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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