You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
