i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
