I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
