she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
