we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
