I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Vodka?
Forever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
