I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
