Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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