my being single is dangerous.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
