I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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