i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
